MRI

Well, today was the MRI. It was with and without contrast to assure that they could differentiate between scar tissue from my previous back surgeries and new issues. It was very difficult to remain flat on my back in one position while they completed the MRI. It was extremely painful and I ended up with some spasms. My toes and fingers were numb and I required assistance getting off the machine when it was over. I guess it took about 45 minutes total. The tech told me it should take about three days for my doctor to receive the results and that I would have to follow up with the doctor for a copy of the results if needed. I feel bad today. I will not spend time detailing why but I did want to post as I have made a committment to myself to do so daily. Getting out of the house today was nice. The fresh air and sunshine did lift my mood for a moment. I will try to get in bed now and see if sleep will be possible. Hopefully I will rest some. I am exhausted.

Counting the Pills Away

Here I sit, as darkness has fallen outside, wondering how many pain pills it may take to get rid of enough pain that I may sleep tonight. My left arm is really just killing me today...a deep dull, throb that doesn't stop. My back is the usual and my hands burn. I will not type much so I can preserve what tolerance I currently have. I have counted my pills and it looks as if I will be short two pills to make it to my refill on Saturday...and the cycle will begin again. I have an MRI with and without contrast on Friday and since that is the first one that I have had since my last back surgery, I fear what is new. What are they going to want to do to me now. What promises are they going to make? I did well in the beginning after the surgeries but this time I am not. I am not sure this body can go through that again. I fear this heaviness in my upper thighs. I know that isn't a good sign. I will try not to think about it for now and concentrate on getting myself prepared for rest tonight. I really hope that I can sleep well. I wonder if some of my problem is the knowledge that when I do sleep I will wake up in pain. I do believe that has a tiny part in my insomnia. If I actually do manage to relieve the pain well enough to rest for a few hours, I wake up to the reality of full blown pain and the stiffness. I have to slowly roll my body, listen to the cracking, and get to the bedside table where the hydrocodone is at. I really need my doctor to help me find a better way to manage this pain. This has robbed my spirit.