Counting the Pills Away

Here I sit, as darkness has fallen outside, wondering how many pain pills it may take to get rid of enough pain that I may sleep tonight. My left arm is really just killing me today...a deep dull, throb that doesn't stop. My back is the usual and my hands burn. I will not type much so I can preserve what tolerance I currently have. I have counted my pills and it looks as if I will be short two pills to make it to my refill on Saturday...and the cycle will begin again. I have an MRI with and without contrast on Friday and since that is the first one that I have had since my last back surgery, I fear what is new. What are they going to want to do to me now. What promises are they going to make? I did well in the beginning after the surgeries but this time I am not. I am not sure this body can go through that again. I fear this heaviness in my upper thighs. I know that isn't a good sign. I will try not to think about it for now and concentrate on getting myself prepared for rest tonight. I really hope that I can sleep well. I wonder if some of my problem is the knowledge that when I do sleep I will wake up in pain. I do believe that has a tiny part in my insomnia. If I actually do manage to relieve the pain well enough to rest for a few hours, I wake up to the reality of full blown pain and the stiffness. I have to slowly roll my body, listen to the cracking, and get to the bedside table where the hydrocodone is at. I really need my doctor to help me find a better way to manage this pain. This has robbed my spirit.